by JORDAN MILLER
Warning: This may offend ASU Hipsters.
- There are many hobbits with hairy exposed feet – none of which are of African lineage.
- Everyone knows of second breakfast.
- The all-seeing eye of Sauron (your parents) cannot monitor you if you live far away and never touch the ring(er).
- Sam (Lakey) lives next door.
- Celtic dances and unexpected fireworks are not uncommon.
- There is one finger you dare not lose (hitchin’ it) else you be forever a member of the nub club.
- The famed wizard among hobbits (Peacock) appears rarely, but when he does visit, everyone looks up to him and children gape at his pure awesomeness.
- Some people really need chapstick.
- Everyone’s hair is curly and untamed.
- They also wear baggy handmade clothes in a hidden attempt to mask their physical unkempt-ness.
- The fastest way to Mordor (Walker Hall) is not by stumbling, but by bicycle.
- The hobbits that obsess over evil things soon find themselves living anywhere but the shire (AppState). They live in the sketchy parts of the mountains, near WCU.
- Students write A Hobbit’s Tale – There and Back Again every night for English class.
- At the end of the adventure, hobbits usually get married to someone from the shire.
- There are WAY too many Pippins and Marys.